Bridesmaids (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Coincidence? The daily prompt today is about feeling lonely. What I wanted to write today, happens to relate to the prompt. Here goes:
A phrase or two words? Best friend.
What does a best friend really entail? Someone you talk to all day, every day? Someone you don’t need to talk to all day every day? Someone who tells you every minute of their lives as it happens?
Before graduation, and at many times through my college career, my best friends have changed. Whether it be because the semester was over and I didn’t see much of them since we no longer have class together, or we didn’t see eye to eye anymore, or we didn’t care to continue speaking and being the best friends we used to be.
College is a pivotal point, every year, you grow up and get exposed to different life decisions that change you as a person. Every year, you meet new people, you connect, you fight, you become besties or you don’t. You lose some friends, but you always make new ones.
I write about this today because I find myself having to adjust, and with this adjustment comes things I don’t really want to face, but have to face.
Last night, a friend of mine called me up to vent about somethings going on his life. This is a friend that dated one of my best friends. Things didn’t go too well for various reasons and essentially many people stopped talking to him after he stopped dating said best friend. I, however, remained civil with him and would catch up with him from time to time. I mean, he is a cool guy, he didn’t do anything horrid, things just didn’t workout with them, so it ended.
Anyways, so this friend of mine, who I spent an hour and half on the phone with, recounted an entire month of his life, which inevitably involved my best friend. I was shocked. Everything he said was news to me. I was instantly furious. How could my best friend not tell me these crucial moments in her life? Did she not trust me? Did she just not care to tell me? Did she want to deal with it on her own? No one should deal with things on their own, especially when they’re surrounded by people who care. She doesn’t have to tell me every detail, but the details I was hearing during this phone conversation were things that I should have had some idea of. That’s what girl best friends do, they tell each other almost everything of importance. And I know this was something important to her.
I won’t lie, I held back some tears as this phone conversation unfolded, as I texted my best friend about the betrayal I felt. I sound dramatic, but I think this is an issue everyone has when leaving college and moving into the “real world.”
She of course said things like “I didn’t mean to, I was just dealing with it on my own because I thought everyone was sick of it… OMG I didn’t tell you? I could have sworn I did.”
None of that made it any better.
I left college with some amazing best friends and despite the fact that we all have our own new lives and are moving on and doing things, it is still an adjustment. Not seeing them all the time, not even getting a text back when you text them, not having daily catch up sessions because everyone has other engagements, not being able to even seen them when you make the effort to go back to see them because they would rather do something else. All those emotions catch up to you. I try to plan around their schedules to make sure I can see them, and yet, its not the same effort back.
This is all one sided though. I can’t help but wonder what goes through their mind. Do they feel the same? Do I not call enough? Do I not make enough of an effort?
I know when you reach the best friend level, there are no more formalties. But you know, once in a while you want to feel like you’re being missed, that your absence was noted. You want to be invited back to the city for a girls weekend instead of hounding them for free weekends and begging for them to notice. “HELLO, I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND! I MISS YOU GUYS! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU!”
Maybe I’m just too sentimental and sensitive about these things. But I take a friendship seriously. I don’t open up to people easily, and if I do, I spill everything. I trust you whole-heartedly and always give you the benefit. I don’t judge, and definitely don’t get sick of talking about the same things over and over. In fact, while I’m off in a new city separated from all my best friends, I welcome talking about the same things over and over again. To feel a piece of home. Assurance that I’ll have bridemaids when the time comes. I don’t need a billion best friends, I just need my best friends. Atleast the one’s that call themselves that.
In light of the hurricane, while people are homeless back in my home state, I rant about this. But hey, that is what is on my mind today. (I swear I spent all of yesterday trying to get a generator out to my parents, there just isn’t one big enough to power the house, at least not a portable one. My family is safe though and with my aunt, so I worry less about them now.)
This was wonderful! My mom always said, “Don’t expect too much from people and you won’t be disappointed.” This goes even for best friends, I am afraid!
I really appreciate you reading and saying this post is wonderful! This realization is sad but true at times, definitely a reality check for me! I’m also on some emotional roller coaster this week!
i totally get this! my college best friends and i are now living in other countries and it’s like i barely know them anymore.. it’s pretty sad
Thanks for reading! Honestly you should just say something to your friends, I know I will be! If they’re important enough to you, you have to try and hope for the best! Don’t be too down about it tho, I take comfort in knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way
I take friendships seriously too. I have found recently that maybe I was the only one that took some friendships seriously, while friendship with me was frivilous apparently.
(I too wrote a blog on today’s Daily Prompt and talked about the absense of what I thought were friends)
We’re not supposed to have expectations that are obtainable. But we do, especially with our close or best friends. I don’t think we can help that can we? Those expectations? It bothers me when I find out–discover–that my expectations are apparently too high for others. Well dang, I manage to meet your expectations why can’t you reach mine?!
I too wonder what goes on in people’s minds aka friends. Do they miss me? Do they wonder why I don’t call? Should I call them? Are they thinking of me? If none of that is going on for them, why is it going on with me? If they can put me out of their mind I want to do the same with them! lol! I want to say f*&k ‘em! But easier said than done I guess.
It surely is easier said than done. I think I was feeling much better after posting my blog, just had some pent up feelings I had to get across. I’m sure they do miss you, some people just suck at showing it, aka my friends haha
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your comment
I am so glad your family is safe back home
Now to your post. I use to feel the same way, until I stopped caring. I know that sounds horrible, but I got tired of being the one to text or call and I felt like they weren’t putting any effort so I just stopped being the one to call or to text. My best friend and I are not as close any more and now we are both out of college, I am married and we both have busy schedules, we try our best to call each other and schedule a girl’s night out whenever possible but sometimes we go a month or two without seeing each other, things are a little different the older you become.
All I can say is don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do, it just means you care and you miss your friends. I hope things get better for you.
Aww thanks a lot for reading and giving your point of you view. It seems to be trend, so many new changes with adulthood, but I’m getting used to it one day at time a time
I love your honesty. Everyone needs at least one best friend who will miss you as much as you miss them, trust you as much as you trust them and be everything to you that you are to them. Best friends are family you get to pick